I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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