Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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