and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
