Kiss
Puke
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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