As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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