Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm passing your future prison.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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