At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
