Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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