were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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