Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
