Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
