What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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