I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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