Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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