grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
