You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
