I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize