Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
