her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
