I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
