My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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