I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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