I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Randomize
