What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
