anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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