It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
