apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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