Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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