after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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