I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We left an ass print on the piano.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
