just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
