Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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