And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
