I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
