Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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