Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
