I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
