Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
