I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
