Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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