I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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