We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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