Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
