how can u be prego again
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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