It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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