I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
