If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
