drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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