highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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