He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found your dick twin last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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