I think I am morally bankrupt
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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