I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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