I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
