hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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