well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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