All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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