My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
