the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i believe in u and ur pee
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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