I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
