Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
