I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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