3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
