How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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