This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
