My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
