Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
