the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Walk of Shame today included voting.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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