I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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