Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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