Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
