ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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