you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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