Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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