No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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