DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
