Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
